onlinedating

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The fear of rejection can be a strong motivator to sit back and hope others will initiate contact on online dating websites. However, in the online dating world, the competition is fierce and the odds favor those who are proactive.

Most online dating websites offer multiple means of contacting others. Some of those will be a free means of contact for non-paying members. This method will range from some non-specific “wink”, “flirt”, or “woo” to some pre-written “smile”, “card”, or other pick-up line. It is basically an online nudge to let you know someone wants your attention. Generally speaking, many people prefer some form of personalized contact such as an onsite email, card, or instant message (IM).

Some, just on principal, will ignore pre-written contacts they assume are from “free” members or anything that resembles a form letter from someone they assume is just “trolling” to see who will reply. Those being contacted believe that if it is not important enough to the person contacting them to create a personalized contact, it is not worth checking into further. If someone is genuinely interested, odds are that they will take the time to write a personalized contact after carefully reading your profile.

So, when you make contact, what should you do? Keep in mind that competition is fierce and you need to stand out from the crowd. Show your interest by using personalized contact. Read their profile carefully, and mention something about their profile in your contact.

Keep it positive, keep it short and sweet, and like your profile . . . leave them wanting more. If you ask questions, avoid closed-ended (yes or no) questions. The point is to engage the other person in a conversation.

Tell them something about yourself that may be of interest to them, based upon statements in their profile. Do not focus only on yourself, though. Put in something about yourself, but be sure to show your interest in them by asking about them, and giving genuine compliments about their profile.

Use caution when discussing income, profession, build, and looks/photos. Sometimes comments about any of those things may seem like that is the only or primary attraction – which is usually a complete turn-off. Most people do not want to be liked primarily or only for their money or looks.

Remember it is not a job interview, an interrogation, or all about you. Do not grill the other person with questions, and do not criticize their personal style of getting to know you.

If someone makes a statement in their profile that offends or otherwise bothers you – click on out of the profile and let it go. If the site offers some form of “block” or “hide” feature for profiles, use it so you never have to be contacted by that person or again see their profile.

If the statement in their profile is against the rules of the online dating website, report it to the site administration. You telling off the profile owner only makes you look bad and risks you getting in trouble with the site administration. In some instances, you could be banned from the site.

Today’s Question: Without naming names, what was the most unusual or off-putting contact you have had on an online dating website?

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