onlinedating

Photo © Daniella Nicole

Yesterday I posted about letting the quality of your online dating interactions be your guide when it comes to when to exchange phone numbers, meet in person, and pursue things further. Today, I want to address another aspect of calendars and relationships.

The flip side of not running relationships by calendars is the impulsive rush some feel about getting acquainted and dating. It is not a contest or race. While you can learn a lot about a person in a short amount of time, that does not make it a wise choice to race down the aisle. There is a lot more to choosing a mate than conversations and candlelight, and there is a lot more to creating a long lasting relationship than mutual attraction and a few good dates.

So with tossing out the calendar comes the admonition to learn how to not get emotionally involved from the get-go with everyone you meet online. Take things one step at a time, and think of the getting acquainted process as a fact-finding mission – not a mate-finding mission.

The whole purpose of getting acquainted is to see how mutually well matched you are for a long-term relationship. If all you want is a date – anyone will do. If you want a mate, you need to really understand who you are and what you want. Then, in getting acquainted, you need to really find out who the other person is and what they truly want – and be honest with yourself as to whether you can provide those things for them or not.

While you are being honest, you need to ascertain whether the other person can honestly provide you with the things you need from a partner in a relationship. This is why even though you may get acquainted quickly, it may not be advisable to jump into a serious relationship or marriage quickly – there is still a lot of discovery left to do. It is important to learn how each of you handles various situations alone and as a team. It is important to discover how outside factors such as friends, family, and work will affect your relationship and partnership.

I have always maintained that you will find more truth in what people do than in what they say. Observing and interacting with people over the long-term will show you more truth about who they really are than observations made over the course of only a handful of events.

Today’s Question: What ‘rules’ do you live by when it comes to online dating and relationships?

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