onlinedating

 Photo © Chance Agrella - www.freerangestock.com

I found this gem of a blog online that referred to a Wall Street Journal article about online dating and divorce.  I have heard people speculate that meeting online increases the odds of a divorce should you marry. I disagree, and part of the Wall Street Journal article shows findings that agree with me. 

I have seen far too many people rush into relationships and emotional involvement, based only upon a profile, a photo, or a few flirty phone calls. Even in real life, people are so vested in finding love that they rush in where angels fear to tread. 

In the ‘good ole days’ there was a thing known as courtship. Some compare it to dating today, but there are distinct differences. In traditional courtships, there were chaperones, family involvement, and the ‘dates’ were over the course of long periods of time. There was no sex or living together first to test the water. The focus was on truly getting to know one another. Courting involved long walks, community picnics and dances, monogamy, a lot of conversing and getting acquainted, and chaste physical conduct. In the process, courting couples also became well acquainted with the friends and family of one another.  Marriage was a serious thing, and so was courtship. 

Fast forward to today and dating. A date is a dinner, a movie, a night out bowling, dancing, or some other activity. Usually, daters are dating more than one person at the same time. Today, people date for many reasons, and most of them are not related to forming a “til death do we part” type relationship.  These reasons along with how courting has changed into dating, are contributing factors to divorce. These reasons along with the change to dating have caused people to lose sight of what is truly important in finding a mate, and in creating a lasting relationship. There is little if any groundwork laid before a couple becomes seriously involved and marries – and that is when the trouble hits the fan. 

Interfering friends and relations, hidden character flaws and addictions, and the reality of  who each partner really is suddenly become apparent, but the vows have already been made. At this point, the couple can selflessly strive to make their marriage work, or they can bitterly blame one another, punish one another, and divorce. 

If you want to avoid a divorce, your best odds are in becoming a great partner yourself, and in taking the time to truly get acquainted with someone before you marry them. Make sure each of you possess the drive to selflessly love, support, and care for one another before you marry. Make sure you both have the commitment to make it work through the rough patches that will most assuredly come. 

As my dear friend John once advised me, “The only reason to get married is when there is no reason not to.” If there is a reason not to, resolve it before you marry. 

Today’s Question:  What, in Your opinion, is the number one cause of divorce?

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