onlinedating

I watched a humorous but helpful video on Tango today that talks about ‘decoding’ his profile. While not all of the tips were meant seriously, the point was.

See what I mean:

Online Dating Profiles Decoded

While some people are intentionally misleading or deceitful in their online profile, others may understand an option to mean something different from what you think it means, or may have not been given an option that was an exact fit, so they chose the closest one with the intention of filling in the details when communication starts.

It is healthy to be cautious, but unhealthy to be paranoid or totally untrusting. I have found that the best policy is to start out by giving people the benefit of the doubt while not turning a blind eye to anything that seems questionable or raises a warning flag.

Today’s Question: What is the funniest ‘decoding’ you have come across?

I found a directory of online dating sites over at Online Dating Connect. Their list certainly is not exhaustive, but it is extensive. Below the list of online dating sites, they have reviews for various sites, as well. 

I have yet to find any directory or rating service that covers all of most of the online dating sites that are out there, but I think if you review several of the directories and rating services, you will get a real ‘feel’ for what is out there and how well they work (or don’t work) for their members. 

Today’s Question: Do you ever use online directories or rating services? If yes, how effective do you think they are?

I found an interesting true case of an international online dating scam detailed on the blog, “International Background Checks & Investigation”. The post is titled, “Online Dating Scams, A Case Study”. 

The writer of the blog is a fraud prevention expert who also has written other posts regarding preventing international fraud and running global background checks. 

The case study illustrates clearly that no matter how well you may think you know someone long distance via phone and internet, you can still be deceived. The agency named in the post that runs global background checks is Wymoo International. 

Today’s Question: Would you ever consider pursuing an international relationship? If yes, at what point would you run a global background check?

When you write your profile, it can be difficult to think of what to say. There are, however, a few things to not say and specific reasons why. The following is a quick guide to the top ten worst things to put in your online dating profile.

1. “I don’t know what to say here . . .,” Think of something. This phrase is an overused excuse. Let your inner fabulousness shine.
2. “I look/feel much younger than I am.” Let your prospects be the judge of that, and believe me they will be. This phrase is a clear indicator of an insecurity that is not attractive. It also indicates to some a proclivity for dating people in an exceedingly younger age group. There is some social stigma attached to this choice.
3. [nothing written in the profile]. This tactic reeks of someone with something to hide. It also tends to indicate someone who arrogantly believes they are above filling in a profile, but should still be taken seriously on a dating site.
4. “Hi” [nothing else written] *Yawn*. If you don’t have the time to write a few things about who you are and what you want, most will not have the time to be bothered with your profile or contact attempts.
5. Oeijanjasklpuergipaemaxz; [gibberish typed in] *See #3 and #4.
6. “I am looking for someone who is [long list of attributes that create a perfect person]” Good luck with that. Reality is your friend – no one is perfect, including you. It is okay to have preferences and tolerances. It is not okay to expect someone to be a cardboard cutout of perfection for you. Checklists are turn offs. Think of a few basic must-haves to list in a non-checklist manner, and leave some flexibility for someone who is less-than-perfect to be your perfect match.
7. [bitter diatribe against exes or those of your dating pool] You will get others running with this approach – in the other direction. Bitter is not attractive. Take care of your issues/baggage, and learn forgiveness. Forgiveness is a key component of a healthy happy relationship, and is a very sexy trait to possess.
8. [hate speech – racist, sexist or otherwise discriminatory and inflammatory commentary] Not only is hate speech not protected under the law, but it is also ugly and inappropriate. If you must hate, be an equal-opportunity hater and hate everyone. I am kidding - you shouldn’t fill your soul with hate, as it really only hurts you in the long run.
9. “Don’t contact me unless/if you are . . . [long list of qualifications] Starting off with a negative approach is not attractive. Keep your tone upbeat and positive.
10. [personal pity party or sob story] Here is the thing: we all have sob stories. However, those stories about our pain and challenges are best saved for special moments with special people who will gently nurture us and understand. To strangers, the sob stories are unattractive and unappealing. Generally, only those with harmful motives or a toxic personality will respond. Neither is the type of person you need to waste one moment of time with.

An online dating profile is your chance to make a great first impression. You want it to be interesting, eye-catching, and honest. It needs to tell a little about you and what you are seeking, as well as keep the attention of the viewer. Most importantly, your profile should always include the following four things for the best possible results. 

1-      Current Photo. This should be obvious, but many online profiles either do not include photos or have old, fake, or ‘glamour shot’ photos posted. The only way to get what you really want and to be loved for exactly who you are is to be honest about who you are. Show your face and build as they currently are. Though you may not think you change much, updating your photos every month or so can give a better idea of what you look like in person, and can keep views rolling in.

2-      Honest Answers. Whether it is the demographic section or the matching questions, honest answers are crucial. They help you and those viewing your profile determine more quickly if there are matching basic criteria in place. For example, if you really do not want to be with an overweight person, be specific in your weight/build/size preferences rather than leaving it blank or choosing ‘any’.

3-      Who You Are. The kind of person you are and the things that you are passionate about are great things to cover briefly in your profile. Common interests and uniqueness are two things that get and keep attention. Remember to be informative but brief. There should still be plenty of great things about you for your contacts and dates to find out.

4-      Whom You Are Seeking. Do you want an activity partner, a best friend, an intimate encounter, or a spouse? Tell a little about the kind of relationship and person you are seeking. Lists describing the perfect match are a turn-off, but describing a few of the most important attributes you seek is helpful and important.

Before you join an online dating site, it is a good idea to read and keep a copy of their cancellation policy. If you are already a member, try searching the site’s “Help” and “FAQs” sections, Site links along the top or bottom of the webpage, and site forums (it may have been discussed or open for discussion - where to find the policy). There should be a link somewhere that will lead you to their specific policy.

If you have a paid membership, you may need to cancel as much as a week in advance, and you may have to go through online and phone questioning to get the membership cancelled, so your credit card is not billed any longer.

When you stop paying for service, some sites will remove your profile, some will ‘hide’ it so you can re-activate it later if you want, but some will keep it online. It can be a huge hassle with some sites to get your profile removed.

Carefully review their cancelation policy, and keep copies of all correspondence for verification purposes.

If you are having problems getting your profile removed, as I did with one site, you can go into the editing feature for your profile, and remove all photos and information.

You can add a note in the profile such as, “This profile is not longer active.” or “This profile is no longer valid. Contact will not be accepted.” Then do not go back to the site to check on views and contacts.

If it takes legal action, having copies of their policy, correspondence between you, and proof that you followed the terms will all be helpful.

Problematic sites can be reported on online dating review sites in order to help others avoid the same hassle. One such site is Date Rater.

One component of online dating that separates it from traditional dating is the frequency of which singles are faced with long-distance relationships. Long distance relationships are not for everyone, but they can and do work for many. A list of the top five keys to making a long distance relationship work is below. 

1-Communication. Keep in touch and communicate frequently to help fill in the gaps created by the physical distance.

2-Reality. Spend real time together. Though it may feel like a holiday each time you get to be together, it is important to keep that time in perspective and real. The fantasy cannot last forever, and the heartache is immense when it turns out that the ‘relationship’ was really just a fantasy.

3-Be honest and learn how to take honesty from one another. Honesty and communication are key components of developing trust.

4-Trust. For a long distance relationship to work, a large degree of trust must be present.

5-Take time. Do not rush the relationship. Talking on the phone and webcam cannot replace the important things that come out of real life interactions on a regular basis. Phone, email, fax, and webcam cannot replace one-on-one relationship development.

For some, running a criminal background check on a potential online date is a must. In order to run such a check they must at least have a full name to work with. In this day and age, giving out your full name which could lead to your home address is a scary proposition. 

However, some are insistent that they must have a background check performed before they will go on a date, and either covertly or directly get the necessary information from their date.

There are many companies that advertise background check services ranging from free to quite pricey. If running a criminal background check is important to you, you will want to use the company that provides the most comprehensive check for the lowest price. 

This article, Criminal Background Checks – How to Squander Money Doing These! offers some advice as to how to choose a good background check company, and offers a recommendation. 

Today’s Question: when it comes to background checks, where do you stand on the issue?

Yesterday I posted about an online dating site review widget that allows you to read reviews on Date Rater about various online dating websites. The widget display is updated, and once you click on the latest review you want to read, you can scroll down to read reviews about the same place. 

Each review not only has a section for written information about the user’s experience with the site, but it allows for overall rating, and the individual rating of quality of the singles on the site; the accuracy of the profiles; and the features, service, and ease of use. The rating allows you to recommend or not recommend the site, and shows the overall ratings for each site. 

Many sites such as Match, eHarmony, PerfectMatch, Jdate, Lavalife, Chemistry, eRomance, and Plenty of Fish are rated. There are also many sites on the list I had never seen before, but because of their high marks, I decided to check them out. I signed up for one last night. My profile, however, is still ‘pending approval’.  It was really fast and easy to sign up and set up my profile, though. I really liked that. As an online dating writer, I am growing tired of lengthy set up and profile processes – especially when they involved quizzes designed (they claim) to give you better matches. Uh-huh. Thus far, I have not been impressed with any of them. 

An interesting feature of the site I signed up for last night is that it allows you to verify your photo and age through the site. You can do this with your driver’s license, or, for the photo, you can do so with a new photo of you holding a specific sign.  Downside, so far, is that in the initial searches I ran, most of the men did NOT have photos displayed. Chumps. Lol. 

Anyone who has used an online dating service can submit a review to Date Rater. If the dating site is not already listed, you can submit the site name, as well.  The service is free, and the information you provide as a user is very helpful to others. 

The home page of the date rater site is http://www.daterater.org/ . 

Today’s Question: What are the best and worst online dating sites you have tried, and why?

I have recently become quite hooked on widgets, and I found this little online dating widget gem today. It is called Date Rater, and it was made by Faceless Machine LLC. I found the widget on widgetbox.com. 

This widget lists links to honest reviews from users about various online dating websites.  It updates, but I do not know how often. I do know that older reviews of the same sites are kept, so after you read the newest review you that you clicked on from the widget, you can scroll down the list to see what others said about the same site. Each display in the widget screen will show multiple reviews to choose from relating to many different sites. 

 I found reviews about sites I have used, and they seemed by and large to be reflective of my own experiences on those sites.  If you are in the market for an online dating site to join, or have concerns about any you are on, this widget may be a very helpful tool. 

When you download the widget, you will have to option to rename it, alter the size, choose a theme (frame), and how much you want to show up : just headlines to the reviews, or part of the review with the headline. You also have the option to allow or disallow any photos that may be in the reviews. 

This widget is for your blog or webpage. I do not have a lot of leeway to post widgets and such on this blog, but if you want to see the widget in action, you can check it out HERE. 

If you would like to download your own copy, you may do so HERE.

 If you enjoy this blog, please let us know.