onlinedating

When you write your profile, it can be difficult to think of what to say. There are, however, a few things to not say and specific reasons why. The following is a quick guide to the top ten worst things to put in your online dating profile.

1. “I don’t know what to say here . . .,” Think of something. This phrase is an overused excuse. Let your inner fabulousness shine.
2. “I look/feel much younger than I am.” Let your prospects be the judge of that, and believe me they will be. This phrase is a clear indicator of an insecurity that is not attractive. It also indicates to some a proclivity for dating people in an exceedingly younger age group. There is some social stigma attached to this choice.
3. [nothing written in the profile]. This tactic reeks of someone with something to hide. It also tends to indicate someone who arrogantly believes they are above filling in a profile, but should still be taken seriously on a dating site.
4. “Hi” [nothing else written] *Yawn*. If you don’t have the time to write a few things about who you are and what you want, most will not have the time to be bothered with your profile or contact attempts.
5. Oeijanjasklpuergipaemaxz; [gibberish typed in] *See #3 and #4.
6. “I am looking for someone who is [long list of attributes that create a perfect person]” Good luck with that. Reality is your friend – no one is perfect, including you. It is okay to have preferences and tolerances. It is not okay to expect someone to be a cardboard cutout of perfection for you. Checklists are turn offs. Think of a few basic must-haves to list in a non-checklist manner, and leave some flexibility for someone who is less-than-perfect to be your perfect match.
7. [bitter diatribe against exes or those of your dating pool] You will get others running with this approach – in the other direction. Bitter is not attractive. Take care of your issues/baggage, and learn forgiveness. Forgiveness is a key component of a healthy happy relationship, and is a very sexy trait to possess.
8. [hate speech – racist, sexist or otherwise discriminatory and inflammatory commentary] Not only is hate speech not protected under the law, but it is also ugly and inappropriate. If you must hate, be an equal-opportunity hater and hate everyone. I am kidding - you shouldn’t fill your soul with hate, as it really only hurts you in the long run.
9. “Don’t contact me unless/if you are . . . [long list of qualifications] Starting off with a negative approach is not attractive. Keep your tone upbeat and positive.
10. [personal pity party or sob story] Here is the thing: we all have sob stories. However, those stories about our pain and challenges are best saved for special moments with special people who will gently nurture us and understand. To strangers, the sob stories are unattractive and unappealing. Generally, only those with harmful motives or a toxic personality will respond. Neither is the type of person you need to waste one moment of time with.

An online dating profile is your chance to make a great first impression. You want it to be interesting, eye-catching, and honest. It needs to tell a little about you and what you are seeking, as well as keep the attention of the viewer. Most importantly, your profile should always include the following four things for the best possible results. 

1-      Current Photo. This should be obvious, but many online profiles either do not include photos or have old, fake, or ‘glamour shot’ photos posted. The only way to get what you really want and to be loved for exactly who you are is to be honest about who you are. Show your face and build as they currently are. Though you may not think you change much, updating your photos every month or so can give a better idea of what you look like in person, and can keep views rolling in.

2-      Honest Answers. Whether it is the demographic section or the matching questions, honest answers are crucial. They help you and those viewing your profile determine more quickly if there are matching basic criteria in place. For example, if you really do not want to be with an overweight person, be specific in your weight/build/size preferences rather than leaving it blank or choosing ‘any’.

3-      Who You Are. The kind of person you are and the things that you are passionate about are great things to cover briefly in your profile. Common interests and uniqueness are two things that get and keep attention. Remember to be informative but brief. There should still be plenty of great things about you for your contacts and dates to find out.

4-      Whom You Are Seeking. Do you want an activity partner, a best friend, an intimate encounter, or a spouse? Tell a little about the kind of relationship and person you are seeking. Lists describing the perfect match are a turn-off, but describing a few of the most important attributes you seek is helpful and important.

Before you join an online dating site, it is a good idea to read and keep a copy of their cancellation policy. If you are already a member, try searching the site’s “Help” and “FAQs” sections, Site links along the top or bottom of the webpage, and site forums (it may have been discussed or open for discussion - where to find the policy). There should be a link somewhere that will lead you to their specific policy.

If you have a paid membership, you may need to cancel as much as a week in advance, and you may have to go through online and phone questioning to get the membership cancelled, so your credit card is not billed any longer.

When you stop paying for service, some sites will remove your profile, some will ‘hide’ it so you can re-activate it later if you want, but some will keep it online. It can be a huge hassle with some sites to get your profile removed.

Carefully review their cancelation policy, and keep copies of all correspondence for verification purposes.

If you are having problems getting your profile removed, as I did with one site, you can go into the editing feature for your profile, and remove all photos and information.

You can add a note in the profile such as, “This profile is not longer active.” or “This profile is no longer valid. Contact will not be accepted.” Then do not go back to the site to check on views and contacts.

If it takes legal action, having copies of their policy, correspondence between you, and proof that you followed the terms will all be helpful.

Problematic sites can be reported on online dating review sites in order to help others avoid the same hassle. One such site is Date Rater.

One component of online dating that separates it from traditional dating is the frequency of which singles are faced with long-distance relationships. Long distance relationships are not for everyone, but they can and do work for many. A list of the top five keys to making a long distance relationship work is below. 

1-Communication. Keep in touch and communicate frequently to help fill in the gaps created by the physical distance.

2-Reality. Spend real time together. Though it may feel like a holiday each time you get to be together, it is important to keep that time in perspective and real. The fantasy cannot last forever, and the heartache is immense when it turns out that the ‘relationship’ was really just a fantasy.

3-Be honest and learn how to take honesty from one another. Honesty and communication are key components of developing trust.

4-Trust. For a long distance relationship to work, a large degree of trust must be present.

5-Take time. Do not rush the relationship. Talking on the phone and webcam cannot replace the important things that come out of real life interactions on a regular basis. Phone, email, fax, and webcam cannot replace one-on-one relationship development.

Yesterday I posted about an online dating site review widget that allows you to read reviews on Date Rater about various online dating websites. The widget display is updated, and once you click on the latest review you want to read, you can scroll down to read reviews about the same place. 

Each review not only has a section for written information about the user’s experience with the site, but it allows for overall rating, and the individual rating of quality of the singles on the site; the accuracy of the profiles; and the features, service, and ease of use. The rating allows you to recommend or not recommend the site, and shows the overall ratings for each site. 

Many sites such as Match, eHarmony, PerfectMatch, Jdate, Lavalife, Chemistry, eRomance, and Plenty of Fish are rated. There are also many sites on the list I had never seen before, but because of their high marks, I decided to check them out. I signed up for one last night. My profile, however, is still ‘pending approval’.  It was really fast and easy to sign up and set up my profile, though. I really liked that. As an online dating writer, I am growing tired of lengthy set up and profile processes – especially when they involved quizzes designed (they claim) to give you better matches. Uh-huh. Thus far, I have not been impressed with any of them. 

An interesting feature of the site I signed up for last night is that it allows you to verify your photo and age through the site. You can do this with your driver’s license, or, for the photo, you can do so with a new photo of you holding a specific sign.  Downside, so far, is that in the initial searches I ran, most of the men did NOT have photos displayed. Chumps. Lol. 

Anyone who has used an online dating service can submit a review to Date Rater. If the dating site is not already listed, you can submit the site name, as well.  The service is free, and the information you provide as a user is very helpful to others. 

The home page of the date rater site is http://www.daterater.org/ . 

Today’s Question: What are the best and worst online dating sites you have tried, and why?

I have recently become quite hooked on widgets, and I found this little online dating widget gem today. It is called Date Rater, and it was made by Faceless Machine LLC. I found the widget on widgetbox.com. 

This widget lists links to honest reviews from users about various online dating websites.  It updates, but I do not know how often. I do know that older reviews of the same sites are kept, so after you read the newest review you that you clicked on from the widget, you can scroll down the list to see what others said about the same site. Each display in the widget screen will show multiple reviews to choose from relating to many different sites. 

 I found reviews about sites I have used, and they seemed by and large to be reflective of my own experiences on those sites.  If you are in the market for an online dating site to join, or have concerns about any you are on, this widget may be a very helpful tool. 

When you download the widget, you will have to option to rename it, alter the size, choose a theme (frame), and how much you want to show up : just headlines to the reviews, or part of the review with the headline. You also have the option to allow or disallow any photos that may be in the reviews. 

This widget is for your blog or webpage. I do not have a lot of leeway to post widgets and such on this blog, but if you want to see the widget in action, you can check it out HERE. 

If you would like to download your own copy, you may do so HERE.

 If you enjoy this blog, please let us know.

Photo © Chance Agrella - www.freerangestock.com

Something I have found to be very helpful in dating is learning effective tools for marriage and parenting. These skills help me to be a better partner, and give me a better chance for success in marriage. Learning about these things now before I need to apply them helps me implement the behaviors and tools into my life now, and to have a much better idea of what relationships and situations are worthy of pursuing . . .or not.

I think that sometimes people overlook the need to be a good partner in dating and relationships, and just figure they will take care of that once they are married, or that it will all somehow fall into place once they are married. However, as in any endeavor people want to undertake that means something to them, strong preparation is a big part of creating success.

I found some really good and helpful free resources of information on the Utah state website. There are free classes, tips, articles, and more all related to dating, marriage, parenting, and combining families.

Dating and Relationship Tips and Traps

Tips and Questionnaire – Before Considering Marriage

Free Online Classes 

Marriage Facts/Marriage Myths Busted

Tips for Success in Marriage, Parenting; and How Children Affect Marriage

Marriage and Finance – Budget Ideas; Can You Afford to be ‘Happy’; and More

Other Marriage Websites (from other states and organizations)

Upcoming Dating, Relationship, Marriage, and Parenting Events in Utah

If you are serious about looking for love and marriage, these resources may be very helpful to you. Look for upcoming events in your state on the appropriate state website to find free classes, workshops, and more.

Today’s Question: What has been the most beneficial thing YOU have done for yourself when it comes to dating/relationships/marriage?

 Photo © Chance Agrella - www.freerangestock.com

Though the price of membership to online dating websites has risen over the past few years, the number of free online dating websites has increased as well. Some of the sites offer features that are comparable to or better than their membership fee-based counterparts. 

Though some people assume that only poor or cheap people fill free online dating website memberships, there are many reasons why a person would want to join a free online dating website. 

Reason #1 - Fiscal Responsibility/Common Sense. If the same or better features can be utilized on free online dating websites as on their paid counterparts, why not join a free site? 

Reason #2 - Testing the Waters. The prospect of being able to test out online dating and online dating websites free before investing a lot of time and money is an appealing one to many internet and online dating website newbies. 

Reason #3 - Broadening Horizons/Multiple Memberships. Many people have memberships to more than one online dating website at the same time. They may all be to free online dating websites, or free online dating websites may be only one aspect of their online dating arsenal along with paid sites and even social networking sites. 

Reason #4 – Popularity/Referral. Some free online dating websites have been around a long time and are quite popular. That popularity results in a large dating pool from which members can choose.  In that same vein, with the popularity comes the likelihood that one or more friends or family members have recommended particular free online dating websites. Good experiences from trusted individuals can count for a lot when it comes to choosing effective and fun online dating websites. 

Reason #5 – Lost in the Shuffle. This reason may almost seem to contradict Reason #4. Some of the paid online dating websites are so large that members can feel lost in the shuffle. With so many members to choose from, it is difficult to stand out, and there is no guarantee that in search results your profile will show up in the first ten pages of results. Free online dating sites can have a large dating pool that is not so large members feel lost or unnoticed. Large membership numbers in online dating websites are only effective if members can get noticed. Too much competition reduces those odds. 

Want to check out a few free online dating websites? The dating section of About.com offers a review of several of the more popular free online dating websites. 

Free Dating Websites – The Top Five by Bonnie Albo

Another site lists a plethora of free online dating websites, and has them categorized as well.  The site claims updates, no ads, and informational articles. 

 Freedating-sites.com List of Free Online Dating Websites

Today’s Question: What is your greatest concern/pet peeve about using free online dating websites?

Photo © Chance Agrella - www.freerangestock.com

Yesterday, I blogged about the top mistakes made by men in online dating. Today, as promised, I am blogging about the top mistakes made by women in online dating. 

From Yahoo Personals, comes this great article titled, 14 Fatal Online Dating Errors That Women Make. The article was written by David Wygant. 

Almost every item on the list is something my male friends and dates have told me they run into frequently in online dating. These things drive them crazy. 

The second great article I found about the mistakes women make in online dating is called, 10 Mistakes Women Make Dating Online, and comes from BumpShack.com. It was written by Evan Marc Katz. 

This list is just that – a list. Very straight forward with no explanations given. The article does include a link to view the author’s explanations, but when I tried the link, it was not working. 

While I don’t know that I necessarily agree with everything in the second list, it is representative of how many men I have encountered think, so I would give it at least some credence. 

Today’s Question: What do YOU think about the mistakes lists? What mistakes would you add or delete?

Photo © Chance Agrella - www.freerangestock.com

Today and tomorrow, I will be blogging about the top mistakes men and women make in online dating. Today, I am blogging about the top mistakes men make with women in online dating. I have found two helpful videos online that list the top mistakes and explain why they are mistakes.

I found this short and informative video for men made by a man. This gentleman also offers free newsletters. The almost five-minute video is called Top Ten Mistakes Men Make in Online Dating and is by NicoPrincely. 

Online Dating Mistakes by Dan and Jennifer (uncut and uncensored) is the unedited version of the making of video advice session for men by DanandJen. There is great advice in it, if you can get past the bloopers at the beginning of this almost thirteen-minute video. 

While every woman is different, I agree that the mistakes listed in both videos are among the most common I have seen and been told about by my female friends. I think the bottom line is to be honest, be yourself, and be respectful. 

Today’s Question: What do YOU think about the mistakes lists? What mistakes would you add or delete?