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This morning I was notified that a dear friend passed away in the wee hours of the morning due to a massive heart attack.  A mutual friend of ours was with him when it happened.  Members of the online dating site we all met on are in mourning this day. Our dear friend was a true friend to all, and was deeply loved. He shared his wisdom and humor on the message boards, and in person at parties hosted by various members of the online dating site. He touched many lives, and helped many in their times of need.

Even when the dating is going slow, being a member of an online dating site that offers community features has its perks. For me, one of the best has been the wonderful friends I have made online that have carried over into real life – including my dear friend, Bill.

Today’s Question: What do you like best about ‘community’ features of online dating sites?

This article from Stuff.com.nz reports an increase in attacks against women by their newly met online dates. The report is coming out of Auckland, but it does bring up the issue of trust and online dating.

When you begin communicating with someone new online, how long do you communicate with them before you trust them? If you really think about it, despite the prior online communications, when you meet for the first time, you really are meeting a stranger. You have no way to know if they have been honest with you, or are a trust-worthy person. They have no way to know those things about you.

For many, the online world is a fantasy world that allows them to be anyone they wish – anyone but who they really are.

Regardless of how well you think you know your online date, for safety’s sake, use all the recommended precautions:

Do not give out your home address.

Do not give out your last name.

Do meet in a public place.

Do not go home with a stranger.

Do tell others where you will be and who you will be with.

Do stay in well-lit, public areas.

Have your own transportation.

Today’s Question: What does it take for YOU to trust your online date?

I read this press release today about a site for those with ‘an open mind’. It is a social networking and online dating site with the niche theme of the paranormal. Paranormal Passions is 100% free to join and use. The site offers forums with topics such as ghost-hunting, psychic phenomenon, and Area 51. 

The membership does not appear to be very large yet, nor very populous in the western states. However, if the paranormal is your niche, this dating site could be a good starting place. 

Today’s Question: How interested would you be in joining a niche site with a small membership, and why?

I read a blog about this, and I had to check out the online dating site for myself. The concept is that you sign up for this online dating service and then it sends you on a blind date with a stranger. Photos are not displayed, and you know virtually nothing about the person. 

The site is called Crazy Blind Date and the How it Works page gives more details. While I can see a few wild and crazy people trying this concept out, generally I cannot see how it would attract many users. Then again, if you were really longing for a date just to have a date, this would be a quick solution.  As far as making matches, I do not think many will come of this, but I could be wrong. 

Please note the site is based in New Zealand. 

Today’s Question: What do YOU think of Crazy Blind Date; and if it were available to you, would you use it?

 Photo © Chance Agrella - www.freerangestock.com

I read an interesting article from The Canadian today by Lisa Daily titled, “Dating Single Daddies”. It brought up some great points about dating single parents, from the angle of single dads who date. With the number of single dads who are actively raising their children on the rise, many single women now find themselves in the same position single men have been in for years – whether or not to date a single parent. 

There are many things to consider, and one key point made was how important it is to keep the children separate from the dating until such time as the relationship is serious.  Like the author, I, too, have been in the uncomfortable position of being almost immediately introduced to children, knowing we may bond with each other and then have our hearts broken if things did not work out.  I have since made it a policy to dump the man who immediately involves the kids, rather than risk hurting a child. Further, I screen carefully for such things, and avoid those men who involve their children in the dating process early on. 

Today’s Question: How do YOU feel about dating a single parent?

Photo © Mara Denardo - www.freerangestock.com

As any veteran of online dating websites can tell you, there are some usernames that really just should not be used. The following are a few guidelines to consider when you choose your next online dating username.

Gender ID.

It helps on an online dating website if your username gives some indication as to which gender you are. If your gender is a mystery, you will get passed up by many. A lot of people do not want to check out profiles for the people of the gender they do not date.

Real Names are a No-No.

Do not use your full real name. This is a matter of security and privacy.

Age-Appropriate.

Be sure your username is age appropriate. Using a name that is too young or two old can be a big turn-off to many. With this is the use of words such as ‘Princess’, ‘Knight’ and the like. Such words can work, but more often than not they are off-putting as they project an image of someone who is spoiled or putting on an act.

Someone Else’s Name.

I have seen some people use the name of a celebrity as their username. Usually, it has been misleading propaganda designed to get attention. There have been a few occasions in which the person really did look like the celebrity in question, so they used the celebrity name to acknowledge that. I doubt it cut down on the comments they got about it, though. Unless you truly look like the celebrity, I would suggest not using someone else’s name – including fictional people. You are not Batman, but you may be slightly delusional – which is not usually considered to be an attractive quality.

Business Related.

Using your business name as your username is a great way to not get dates. No one on a dating site wants to be hit up about business propositions and buying things. Save your business info for your occupation description and create a username that identifies you.

Self-Importance.

Names that make claims about size, greatness, prowess, and looks are very off-putting. Another thing to consider is that frequently scammers use such names. “IMHot”, “Built2Pleaz”, and “IMA10” are names that come across as egotistical and most likely chosen by liars. Let your date discover your greatness on their own. Such self-important advertising is a huge turn-off.

Playing on words.

This can be a great attention-getter, or it can completely bomb. If your play on words is too obscure it will be off-putting. Remember pronunciation in your username choice, too. Some usernames I have seen have left others scratching their head as to how to pronounce it and what it meant. Some had a very negative meaning when ‘read wrong’.

Here are a few helps for creating a play on words name:

B = be, bee

C = see

G = gee

I = I or eye

M = am

O = oh

P = pee

R = are

T = tea, tee

U = you

Y = why

1 = won, one

2 = to, too, two

4 = for, four

8 = ate, eight

One friend who is now married used the name “Gr8Lady” (Great Lady). She is a great lady, and the name was very easy to read and understand. I have seen others, such as “H82BL8” (Hate to Be Late), and “W84Me” (Wait for Me).

Tips for Creating Your Own Username

When choosing a username, keep in mind those things that describe you that may be appealing or interesting to the kind of person you are looking for. If you have cats that your prospect will have to accept, perhaps indicating that with your username will help you weed out those who can’t live with cats. “Catlady”, “Catman”, “Iluvcats”, and “CatsRule” are all names I have seen used that create a clear impression of fondness for cats.

Use the KISS (Keep It Simple, Sunshine) method, and create a name that is unique to you, interesting, and fun. Hobbies, catch phrases, and words that describe you are all great to use in your username.

Sometimes the fabulous name you want is already taken. Be sure to come up with a few alternatives just in case.

Today’s Question: What is one username you have seen or used that you really liked, and why?

Photo © Chance Agrella - www.freerangestock.com 

I recently posted links to some online quizzes relating to kissing, and dating, and such. Today, I am going to give you some links to site that allow you to create your own fun quizzes. These quizzes can be posted on your blog or social networking page. Links to them can be emailed to others. 

A few years back, some friends created their own “How Well Do You Know Me?” quizzes. It was really fun to take them because I got to learn things about my friends that I had not known previously. I then created my own quiz, and it was a lot of fun to see how well others knew me. Sometimes new acquaintances did better on the quiz than friends I had known longer. Another fun aspect of the quiz was how it added to my online dating experience. It was fun to get acquainted with prospects by taking the quizzes we created for each other. 

If you would like to create your own quiz to test your friends and potential dates, about pretty much any topic, including how well they know you, try the following sites: 

Testriffic

Quibblo

HelloQuizzy (a test making/taking spinoff site of OkCupid)

OkCupid (also a social networking/dating site)

CoolQuiz

If you create a quiz, feel free to post a link to it here in the comment section. I personally will take every quiz that is linked to in the comments and post feedback about it. 

Today’s Question: If you were to create a quiz for potential dates to take, what would the topic be and what would one of the questions be?

Photo © Nick Casberg - www.freerangestock.com

Once I came across a profile on an online dating site in which the member stated very openly that he was HIV positive and would only date someone else who was HIV positive, because he did not want to risk giving the disease to anyone else.

I mention this because lately I have been seeing multiple mentions of online dating sites for those with HIV. Straight or gay, I think being single and dating when you are HIV positive would present its own unique set of challenges. One of the biggest ones would be when to tell your dates about the HIV.

I had always thought it was incredibly brave and honest of that man to be so upfront about his HIV. Especially considering the site he was on. The site was geared towards heterosexual people of a particular religious faith.

Over the past week or so I have seen Google alerts about sites geared towards those who are HIV positive. On the one hand, I wonder if some people see the sites as some sort of virtual ‘leper colony’, and there could be negative connotations about them and their members. On the other hand, I am so glad that those with HIV have the opportunity to have a ‘safe’ and ‘accepting’ place for online dating. I imagine it could be terribly painful and draining emotionally to be on an online dating site with a membership that is ignorant about HIV, unaccepting of those with HIV, or is openly hostile to those who reveal their condition.

For more information:

HIV + Dating Sites Offer an Alternative by Ambrose Aban

Online Dating with HIV by Cherie Burbach

Today’s Question: What is YOUR take on HIV online dating websites?

Photo © Chance Agrella - www.freerangestock.com 

I saw this video clip of an interview with author Linda Franklin about her website for “Cougars”. Cougar is the slang term given to women who date or marry younger men. However, Linda is trying to redefine the word to mean a woman over 40 who has her act together, with no association to the age of her dates or significant other. Good luck with that, I say.

The word cougar is already well-established in its meaning, and no amount of trying to dress it up will change that. Her website is for Cougars only, though she states there is a large waiting list of ‘Cougar-hunters’. A cougar hunter is a younger man seeking an older woman for dating/romance, intimacy, and/or marriage. Even Linda implies this definition in her interview, which contradicts her claims that a cougar has nothing to do with the age difference.

There is a general rule of thumb when it comes to dating younger – for men and women – which is that half your age plus 7 is the minimum age you can date and not appear to be a perverted sicko. For example, a 40 year old could get away with dating someone 27years of age or older. For a 50 year old, the minimum age would be 32. For Hugh Hefner, it would be 48. For some reason, I don’t think Hugh Hefner much cares about such things. He is not alone, as there are women who date and marry below such a minimum age standard.

A few older woman/younger man couples include Susan Sarandon/Tim Robbins, Demi Moore/Ashton Kutcher, Juliet Mills/Maxwell Caulfield, Melanie Griffith/Antonio Banderas, and Madonna/Guy Ritchie.

Though I tend to like older men, my personal rule of thumb has been if they are closer in age to my offspring than they are to me, they are too young. Since my teen is approximately 24 years younger than myself, it would mean that anyone more than 12 years younger than myself is too young. My personal rule ups the minimum age from the half plus seven rule. Interestingly, even though I prefer older men, my former spouse is younger than me by about 18 months, and my former fiancee’ is younger than me by about a year. One of the men I dated since my divorce whom I had the most chemistry with is about 6 years younger. However, my first love was 3 years older. Am I a closet cougar?

Many of the women I know who are on online dating websites are very uncomfortable with being pursued by men significantly younger than they are. The biggest question has been along the lines of what a 23 year old studmuffin could possibly want from a 38 year old divorced mother of three. The answer seems to be “experienced sex”, though I am told “experienced sex” is not the primary motivator for all cougar hunters.

This brings us to today’s question: What are YOUR thoughts and feelings on the topic of cougars and cougar hunters?

I came across this blog that mentioned an interactive game for daters. The game sounded interesting, so I tried it out. The game is VO5’s Interactive Ultimate Flirting Championship. It is available also as a widget you can install on your own site. The widget wouldn’t install here, so you will have to go to the link in order to play.

In the game you get to be either a judge or a player. Judges choose from pre-written questions to ask flirters. This process is timed. Flirters then come up with their best flirty answer. There are 3 players (1 judge and 2 flirters) in each ‘room’. When you enter, you are in a ‘waiting room’ until there are two more players for you to play with.

Have fun playing – and have a great weekend!

Today’s Question: If you play the game, please comment here about your reaction. What did you like and dislike about it?

The Interactive Flirting Game may be found at: http://onlinedating.today.com/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=97