onlinedating

Online dating giant eHarmony has now launched a sister site for married: eHarmony Marriage. For $150, couples can individually use the online counseling service for six to eight weeks in order to help solve problems and save their marriage.

Read more about it at Australia News

It will be interesting to see how eHarmony will promote their ‘success stories’ for the new site, as well as how fast other dating sites expand into marriage counseling. It will also be interesting to see how many sites focusing just on online marital counseling will open, and what services they will offer.

Today’s Question: What do YOU think of eHarmony’s additional site, and would you ever use such a service?

I read this review from Mashable regarding a new phone number masking service named Bee Mask. The service allows people to make calls to one another while protecting their respective phone numbers.

Some online dating sites offer phone number masking service free or for a charge, but many do not offer any such service. Such services allow online dating service members to talk by phone sooner rather than later. Talking on the phone before meeting is a great way to get some real insight into who a person really is.

What are YOUR thoughts about using such a service?

When you write your profile, it can be difficult to think of what to say. There are, however, a few things to not say and specific reasons why. The following is a quick guide to the top ten worst things to put in your online dating profile.

1. “I don’t know what to say here . . .,” Think of something. This phrase is an overused excuse. Let your inner fabulousness shine.
2. “I look/feel much younger than I am.” Let your prospects be the judge of that, and believe me they will be. This phrase is a clear indicator of an insecurity that is not attractive. It also indicates to some a proclivity for dating people in an exceedingly younger age group. There is some social stigma attached to this choice.
3. [nothing written in the profile]. This tactic reeks of someone with something to hide. It also tends to indicate someone who arrogantly believes they are above filling in a profile, but should still be taken seriously on a dating site.
4. “Hi” [nothing else written] *Yawn*. If you don’t have the time to write a few things about who you are and what you want, most will not have the time to be bothered with your profile or contact attempts.
5. Oeijanjasklpuergipaemaxz; [gibberish typed in] *See #3 and #4.
6. “I am looking for someone who is [long list of attributes that create a perfect person]” Good luck with that. Reality is your friend – no one is perfect, including you. It is okay to have preferences and tolerances. It is not okay to expect someone to be a cardboard cutout of perfection for you. Checklists are turn offs. Think of a few basic must-haves to list in a non-checklist manner, and leave some flexibility for someone who is less-than-perfect to be your perfect match.
7. [bitter diatribe against exes or those of your dating pool] You will get others running with this approach – in the other direction. Bitter is not attractive. Take care of your issues/baggage, and learn forgiveness. Forgiveness is a key component of a healthy happy relationship, and is a very sexy trait to possess.
8. [hate speech – racist, sexist or otherwise discriminatory and inflammatory commentary] Not only is hate speech not protected under the law, but it is also ugly and inappropriate. If you must hate, be an equal-opportunity hater and hate everyone. I am kidding - you shouldn’t fill your soul with hate, as it really only hurts you in the long run.
9. “Don’t contact me unless/if you are . . . [long list of qualifications] Starting off with a negative approach is not attractive. Keep your tone upbeat and positive.
10. [personal pity party or sob story] Here is the thing: we all have sob stories. However, those stories about our pain and challenges are best saved for special moments with special people who will gently nurture us and understand. To strangers, the sob stories are unattractive and unappealing. Generally, only those with harmful motives or a toxic personality will respond. Neither is the type of person you need to waste one moment of time with.

An online dating profile is your chance to make a great first impression. You want it to be interesting, eye-catching, and honest. It needs to tell a little about you and what you are seeking, as well as keep the attention of the viewer. Most importantly, your profile should always include the following four things for the best possible results. 

1-      Current Photo. This should be obvious, but many online profiles either do not include photos or have old, fake, or ‘glamour shot’ photos posted. The only way to get what you really want and to be loved for exactly who you are is to be honest about who you are. Show your face and build as they currently are. Though you may not think you change much, updating your photos every month or so can give a better idea of what you look like in person, and can keep views rolling in.

2-      Honest Answers. Whether it is the demographic section or the matching questions, honest answers are crucial. They help you and those viewing your profile determine more quickly if there are matching basic criteria in place. For example, if you really do not want to be with an overweight person, be specific in your weight/build/size preferences rather than leaving it blank or choosing ‘any’.

3-      Who You Are. The kind of person you are and the things that you are passionate about are great things to cover briefly in your profile. Common interests and uniqueness are two things that get and keep attention. Remember to be informative but brief. There should still be plenty of great things about you for your contacts and dates to find out.

4-      Whom You Are Seeking. Do you want an activity partner, a best friend, an intimate encounter, or a spouse? Tell a little about the kind of relationship and person you are seeking. Lists describing the perfect match are a turn-off, but describing a few of the most important attributes you seek is helpful and important.

Before you join an online dating site, it is a good idea to read and keep a copy of their cancellation policy. If you are already a member, try searching the site’s “Help” and “FAQs” sections, Site links along the top or bottom of the webpage, and site forums (it may have been discussed or open for discussion - where to find the policy). There should be a link somewhere that will lead you to their specific policy.

If you have a paid membership, you may need to cancel as much as a week in advance, and you may have to go through online and phone questioning to get the membership cancelled, so your credit card is not billed any longer.

When you stop paying for service, some sites will remove your profile, some will ‘hide’ it so you can re-activate it later if you want, but some will keep it online. It can be a huge hassle with some sites to get your profile removed.

Carefully review their cancelation policy, and keep copies of all correspondence for verification purposes.

If you are having problems getting your profile removed, as I did with one site, you can go into the editing feature for your profile, and remove all photos and information.

You can add a note in the profile such as, “This profile is not longer active.” or “This profile is no longer valid. Contact will not be accepted.” Then do not go back to the site to check on views and contacts.

If it takes legal action, having copies of their policy, correspondence between you, and proof that you followed the terms will all be helpful.

Problematic sites can be reported on online dating review sites in order to help others avoid the same hassle. One such site is Date Rater.

One component of online dating that separates it from traditional dating is the frequency of which singles are faced with long-distance relationships. Long distance relationships are not for everyone, but they can and do work for many. A list of the top five keys to making a long distance relationship work is below. 

1-Communication. Keep in touch and communicate frequently to help fill in the gaps created by the physical distance.

2-Reality. Spend real time together. Though it may feel like a holiday each time you get to be together, it is important to keep that time in perspective and real. The fantasy cannot last forever, and the heartache is immense when it turns out that the ‘relationship’ was really just a fantasy.

3-Be honest and learn how to take honesty from one another. Honesty and communication are key components of developing trust.

4-Trust. For a long distance relationship to work, a large degree of trust must be present.

5-Take time. Do not rush the relationship. Talking on the phone and webcam cannot replace the important things that come out of real life interactions on a regular basis. Phone, email, fax, and webcam cannot replace one-on-one relationship development.

For some, running a criminal background check on a potential online date is a must. In order to run such a check they must at least have a full name to work with. In this day and age, giving out your full name which could lead to your home address is a scary proposition. 

However, some are insistent that they must have a background check performed before they will go on a date, and either covertly or directly get the necessary information from their date.

There are many companies that advertise background check services ranging from free to quite pricey. If running a criminal background check is important to you, you will want to use the company that provides the most comprehensive check for the lowest price. 

This article, Criminal Background Checks – How to Squander Money Doing These! offers some advice as to how to choose a good background check company, and offers a recommendation. 

Today’s Question: when it comes to background checks, where do you stand on the issue?

This article from Stuff.com.nz reports an increase in attacks against women by their newly met online dates. The report is coming out of Auckland, but it does bring up the issue of trust and online dating.

When you begin communicating with someone new online, how long do you communicate with them before you trust them? If you really think about it, despite the prior online communications, when you meet for the first time, you really are meeting a stranger. You have no way to know if they have been honest with you, or are a trust-worthy person. They have no way to know those things about you.

For many, the online world is a fantasy world that allows them to be anyone they wish – anyone but who they really are.

Regardless of how well you think you know your online date, for safety’s sake, use all the recommended precautions:

Do not give out your home address.

Do not give out your last name.

Do meet in a public place.

Do not go home with a stranger.

Do tell others where you will be and who you will be with.

Do stay in well-lit, public areas.

Have your own transportation.

Today’s Question: What does it take for YOU to trust your online date?

I read this press release today about a site for those with ‘an open mind’. It is a social networking and online dating site with the niche theme of the paranormal. Paranormal Passions is 100% free to join and use. The site offers forums with topics such as ghost-hunting, psychic phenomenon, and Area 51. 

The membership does not appear to be very large yet, nor very populous in the western states. However, if the paranormal is your niche, this dating site could be a good starting place. 

Today’s Question: How interested would you be in joining a niche site with a small membership, and why?

I read a blog about this, and I had to check out the online dating site for myself. The concept is that you sign up for this online dating service and then it sends you on a blind date with a stranger. Photos are not displayed, and you know virtually nothing about the person. 

The site is called Crazy Blind Date and the How it Works page gives more details. While I can see a few wild and crazy people trying this concept out, generally I cannot see how it would attract many users. Then again, if you were really longing for a date just to have a date, this would be a quick solution.  As far as making matches, I do not think many will come of this, but I could be wrong. 

Please note the site is based in New Zealand. 

Today’s Question: What do YOU think of Crazy Blind Date; and if it were available to you, would you use it?